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Ugh, think faster.

I have to make more time to write and think faster. There that is out of the way, I will explain.

NaNoWriMo is starting soon and I don't know what to write about, but I do want to do it. I had an idea that I was working on and I was certain that was going to be the focus of my first Nano, but the closer it gets, the less I am certain if that is what I want to do.

I have to do something. I suppose. I will never pay my dues if I don't start with the payments that I can afford. I have read about many authors whose first books were self-admittedly horrible. I suppose that is the way that it is supposed to be, but I suffer from a delusion that leads me to believe that if I learn enough, I don't have to fall in to that trap. Yes I have to learn, but if I can incorporate these things in to my work early on, maybe my first efforts will suck less. One can hope.

I suppose this difference is that I know that I am deluding myself. It will suck, and I dread it. I am reminded of a quote that I read a while back. "The story I am writing exists, written in absolutely perfect fashion, some place, in the air.  All I must do is find it, and copy it.  ~Jules Renard, "Diary," February 1895" This is not the first time that I have thought this.

Years ago, I wrote a number of songs and the best advice that a friend gave me was "Do not cheat." In other words, do not put a word in place simply to have a word there if it is not the right word. This led me to believe that everything is already complete, I just have to write it down, that requires paying attention and tapping in to that part of me that allows me to discern it properly.

I will end this with my decision. I will write the story that I had considered and let it be horrible. To quote James Michener, "I'm not a very good writer, but I am an excellent rewriter."

Coffee break is over, back on my head.

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